I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
