While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
