the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
