I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
