yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
