Will you blow on my dice?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
