If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize