when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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