Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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