Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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