idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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