I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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