The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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