I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
