my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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