Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You pole danced in your parka.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
