Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm like, not good at living.
You ate ashes out of my bong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
