Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
