i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
3 2 1 whiskey
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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