in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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