yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
