My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
