I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
