Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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