I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I understand Curling. That high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
