My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize