Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
