there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
