Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
