you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
