Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize