I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
