I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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