I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
