the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
