I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
