I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
