My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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