his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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