It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
