Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
