i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
