dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
pop tarts are not kleenex
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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