Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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