the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
