Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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