I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
