Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize