you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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