Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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