oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize