I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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