The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
