She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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