I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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