piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize