hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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