Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
