I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
