I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
