wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You did what with his pubic hair?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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