I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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