i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
