so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
