Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
